Let me backup some and fill you in on R. She was very young when we met her. Barely older than a teen, yet so wise. When we met her, she had a v-neck shirt on and you couldn't help but notice a scar on her chest. We are all very open about ourselves, and she explained that she had open heart surgery a year prior. She had a tumor that was removed from around her heart, and then was diagnoised with Hodgekin Lymphoma. While undergoing chemo, the oncologist had told her she was unable to get pregnant because the chemo agents were killing her eggs as well. In addition to her chemo, she was to start radiation. They do automatic pregnancy tests on women before starting radiation, and it was determined that she was actually pregnant!
The oncologist recommended she have an abortion so she could continue with treatment and cure herself. She made the decision to go ahead and get the procedure done. When she went to get it done, she went in the wrong side of the building. She entered into a "pro life" space and was given an ultrasound and they pointed to "our baby"s heartbeat....she couldn't continue. And that is where the choice for adoption came in.
Friday, March 11, 2011
First Meeting
We drove 4 hours north to meet with a birthmom. The ride up was one I have done several times to visit family, but this time was different...we were meeting OUR potential family! We talked about the "ifs" and made small talk, but nothing could really come out...we were both so scared and nervous. (I compare it to the most important job interview ever!)
When we knocked on her door, Matt and I were both nervous as could be. But, when R answered the door, we knew she was special. She was only about 6 weeks along, but already you could see a bump. If I wasn't so nervous,I probably could have cried. We stayed and talked to her and her mom for hours. It was as if we had known them our whole life. When we left, she handed us the ultrasound pictures of what she from then on referred to as "our baby". When we left, I cried! I cried for the pain of all the failed attempts at getting pregnant. I cried because I was so happy to FINALLY becoming a mom. I cried mostly for R. I knew this was the hardest, most selfless act of love that she would EVER make. And, even though it was "our baby", I cried because I knew we had a long journey of "what ifs" to play.
When we knocked on her door, Matt and I were both nervous as could be. But, when R answered the door, we knew she was special. She was only about 6 weeks along, but already you could see a bump. If I wasn't so nervous,I probably could have cried. We stayed and talked to her and her mom for hours. It was as if we had known them our whole life. When we left, she handed us the ultrasound pictures of what she from then on referred to as "our baby". When we left, I cried! I cried for the pain of all the failed attempts at getting pregnant. I cried because I was so happy to FINALLY becoming a mom. I cried mostly for R. I knew this was the hardest, most selfless act of love that she would EVER make. And, even though it was "our baby", I cried because I knew we had a long journey of "what ifs" to play.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A CALL!!!
I know the title gives it away, but in early Sept (yes, 6 MONTHS LATER), we recieved a call. But, the call was not from the agency we were with. It was from my cousin up north! She called during dinner time and wanted to know if we were sitting down. Well, yeah, I was sitting down...this chubby girl wouldn't stand to eat!
She had been talking with a tentant of her apartment complex and the tentant was pregnant and wasn't able to keep the baby. My cousin told her about us, and she said she was willing to meet with us about adopting the baby. We drove up (about 4 hrs) the next weekend to meet her!
She had been talking with a tentant of her apartment complex and the tentant was pregnant and wasn't able to keep the baby. My cousin told her about us, and she said she was willing to meet with us about adopting the baby. We drove up (about 4 hrs) the next weekend to meet her!
Decision time
My husband was wonderful! I am truly lucky he is such a great guy! I honestly felt horrible about not being able to give him a biological child, but we had many decisions to make. We went back and forth about trying more (expensive) infertility treatments, or persuing the possiblity of adoption.
In the end, we decided we wanted to become parents, not pregnant. In Feburary, 2008, we met with an adoption agency and started the homestudy process. It is quite a grooling process and requires a completely different midset. You have to pass physical, financial, and emotional background checks. Each step along the way can either bring spouses together, or I believe could lead to some very tough questions. You are asked to name the best qualities of yourself, why you would be a good mom/dad, and what your "plan" is for your child. You are asked if you are open to handicaps, different races, Birth parent drug use, how open you are to contact with the birthparents, etc. It makes you really stop and think! Too bad ALL parents don't have to consider these questions...it may actually help people be GOOD parents!
Our homestudy was complete in April 2008...now the fun starts...WAITING for a match!
In the end, we decided we wanted to become parents, not pregnant. In Feburary, 2008, we met with an adoption agency and started the homestudy process. It is quite a grooling process and requires a completely different midset. You have to pass physical, financial, and emotional background checks. Each step along the way can either bring spouses together, or I believe could lead to some very tough questions. You are asked to name the best qualities of yourself, why you would be a good mom/dad, and what your "plan" is for your child. You are asked if you are open to handicaps, different races, Birth parent drug use, how open you are to contact with the birthparents, etc. It makes you really stop and think! Too bad ALL parents don't have to consider these questions...it may actually help people be GOOD parents!
Our homestudy was complete in April 2008...now the fun starts...WAITING for a match!
The Beginning
I'm new to blogging. Let me begin by apologizing...it's what I do best anyway! I'm sorry if you happened upon my blog thinking you were going to read something great! I'm sorry if you somehow feel I'm not that great of a writer. I'm sorry for all of you problems. Now that the apologies are over, let me start sharing my journey....
Many years ago, 10 to be exact, I met a wonderful man whom I feel deeply in love with. We dated for several years, and then got married. My dream was to get pregnant within a year, and be a mom. Not "just" a mom, but an awesome mom. The kind of mom who is attentive, caring, and is actually in tune with their kids. As it turned out, the first year of marriage came and went without a baby. After the first year, I went and got fertility drugs. Six months later, still no baby. We went to another fertility center in a different city and tried another procedure...still no baby. I got poked, proded, x-rayed, hormones, etc over and over. Nothing worked. I began to ask why. The final diagnosis was "unexplained female factor infertility", but that doesn't answer any of the questions. Why couldn't I get pregnant? Why was everyone else in my life able to? Why? Why? Why? I had many of pity parties in the privacy of my car. I couldn't bear for anyone to know exactly how heartbroken I was...even my hubby!
Many years ago, 10 to be exact, I met a wonderful man whom I feel deeply in love with. We dated for several years, and then got married. My dream was to get pregnant within a year, and be a mom. Not "just" a mom, but an awesome mom. The kind of mom who is attentive, caring, and is actually in tune with their kids. As it turned out, the first year of marriage came and went without a baby. After the first year, I went and got fertility drugs. Six months later, still no baby. We went to another fertility center in a different city and tried another procedure...still no baby. I got poked, proded, x-rayed, hormones, etc over and over. Nothing worked. I began to ask why. The final diagnosis was "unexplained female factor infertility", but that doesn't answer any of the questions. Why couldn't I get pregnant? Why was everyone else in my life able to? Why? Why? Why? I had many of pity parties in the privacy of my car. I couldn't bear for anyone to know exactly how heartbroken I was...even my hubby!
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