1st ultrasound

Yesterday Matt and I went to my first ultrasound for the baby!
We were able to see the heartbeat and even hear it! YAY!!!!
It was 146 beats per minute which if you believe the old wives tales mean I'm having a girl! That would be great since Teagan already has enough toys and clothes for 43 more girls! LOL

We were also able to determine I am 6wks and 3 days preggo! Esitmated due date of Jan 14, 2012, but we are still hoping to deliver before the end of the year. I am going to ask the ob if that's possible at the next appointment!!

We are SOOO excited!

News

Ok, so since I have no followers yet, I feel I can use this as an outlet for my news!

I found out yesterday that Teagan will be a big sister!! YAY!!! I have always wanted another kiddo, and honestly, I'm almost sure I would have been ok if Teagan was it, but I am so THANKFUL that we're having another one!

Oh, and the best news is...I'm PREGNANT!!!! LOL! When we told our parents and sent a picture that had a picture of Teagan holding a sign that said "I'm going to be a big sister", both of them asked: "when are you getting it" and "where's it coming from"? I'm pretty sure they both crapped their pants when I said I was going to be the one popping it out! LOL Talk about exciting news!

We are keeping it quiet from everyone else though, but I had to let it out~

Keep us in your thoughts! We're new to the pregnancy thing!

Things Teagan does now

During dinner tonight, Matt and I were talking about how much Teagan has changed in just a few short weeks. She is now talking in 5-6 word sentences, she knows and REMEMBERS everything we tell her. She watches youtube videos with my mom and knows the song that goes with the little thumbnail picture...she is super smart! Sometimes I have to catch myself from telling her something that may be a little stretch of the truth, because I know she will remember later! HA HA

Easter was last Sunday and I completely forgot to blog about it (bare with me, I'm new!). We got up, and of course the Easter Bunny had come!!! On the way downstairs Teagan found an egg!!! Her very first one too! It was full of what she calls "piggy money" which is just change we use to feed her piggy bank. We ended up breaking it open while I was recording her very first egg hunt and says "oh, d*#*it, I broke it"...great way to start the Holiday! LOL

She is also REALLY into singing. Her favorite right now are "5 monkeys jumping on the bed", "twinkle, twinkle", "wheels on the bus", and occasionally "baa baa black sheep"...she is getting pretty good too! She even knows the tone!

I absolutely cherish every minute with her. I know my friends are probably really sick of me going on and on, or not wanting to go out anymore but honestly, after leaving her to go to work, I really don't WANT to go out without her! In a few years, or 30 HA HA, she will not want me to hang out with. She will have her own life and friends, and that's when I'll be ok to leave her alone!

Present Day

Ok, so enough of the past! Let's focus on NOW!!! I am currently the mom to the most amazing, loving, smart 2 year old ever ( I know all parents say that so I don't feel bad)!

It's Official!

June 22, 2009, we offiically became a family of 3!!!
The adoption was finialized by Judge Carmichael. It was a nasty, rainy day, but we didn't care! We had been waiting for years to become parents and although we had been Teagan's "Mommy and Daddy" for over 3 monthes, this little piece of paper meant much more.

We had planned on going to lunch and celebrating our big day, but with the rain and nastiness outside, we ended up just going home. We do, however, still celebrate the day we officially got to change Teagan's name from "infant girl H..." to Teagan Janette Murray.

Home at Last

We made it home on April 2, 2009! I guess that is where our true journey starts!
We had many visitors the first days being home. We had family, friends, co-workers. Everyone was so excited for us and our little girl!
We had made arrangements with our adoption agency to come to finalize the homestudy and post placement visit. So, in addition to a newborn, lack of sleep, and constant visitors, I had to make sure my house was in tip top shape! We had to put up safety gates (seems crazy for a newborn I know), get a first aid kit, and stress about all the new questions they ask!
*Our homestudy was started April 28, 2008. They are only good for 1 year and then you have to pay to get it renewed, so we were anxious to get the follow up done before April 28, 2009*

Teagan was a pretty mellow baby. She ate, slept, and pooped on a regular schedule. Sleeping wasn't an issue for me since I was off work so I did the overnights and Matt would do the feeding when he was up for work so I could get a few hours straight! I am so blessed to have been off work for 14weeks with her! We got so much bonding in and I was also able to get her on some sort of a schedule

NICU Stay

Teagan stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks! Although she was physically bigger than most babies at 32 wks, her lungs were only at the 32 wk level. She required oxygen and also the "glow light" for a few days to help her liver pass the jaundice out. She was on feeding tubes because her suck, swallow, breath reflex was not strong and she would quit breathing on me when we fed her! It was scary to see my little baby girl hooked up to so many things. BUT, she was a little fighter, she pulled all the wires off her, pulled the feeding tubes out every few hours, and pulled the IVs out of her! Thank God the NICU she was in was smaller and she was one of 2 babies in there! The nurses catered to her nonstop! They said she was fiesty and they have no idea how right they were! While in the NICU, the nurses taught me how to bath her, feed her, change her clothes, and just be comfortable with a newborn! I had not had a chance to go to any new parent classes and it'd been a while since I had a NEW baby around! I am thankful for them for teaching me so much! I had to also be certified in CPR, and since she was coming home on a monitor, I had to be trained on how to take care of her if it went off! It was very overwhelming to go through alone. When Matt came up on the weekend, I would leave the hospital for a few hrs so he could be taught by the nurses on how to do everything too! I didn't want to look like I was superior "teaching" him, plus, I think he enjoyed the one on one time with his little princess!

The doctors slowly weined her off oxygen. Since we had such a long drive home, she had to pass the carseat test and prove she could keep her levels up before they would discharge her. Most NICU babies have to pass only 20 minutes, Teagan had to sit in hers for over an hour! But, I would rather be safe than sorry!

Finally, on April 1st, we were allowed to take her home!!! My mom and Matt made the trip back up to get us! I had been staying by myself during the week so Matt didn't burn all his time off just sitting in the hospital. He came up around 6pm and we got discharged from the hospital at 7!!! The first night out of the hospital, we stayed at my grandmas in Ft. Wayne so we weren't driving at night!

Hospital

We left our house around midnight and made it to Ft Wayne a little before 3am...a normal 3.5hr trip took less than 3 for this speedy, nervous mom! We made it to labor/delivery and settled in with R and her momma!

*Sidenote: R had told us all her previous pregnancies were super quick. Under 6 hrs, so we were so scared we wouldn't make it in time!

14hours after her initial call to us, and at 12:15 pm Wednesday morning, March 18, 2009, Teagan Janette made her entrance into the world! She was 8 weeks early and the delivery room was completely FULL of a team of doctors and nurses just for our little princess! Not going to lie, I was SUPER scared! Teagan weighed 5lb10oz and was 19.5in....pretty big for a premie, but she was wisked to the NICU anyway!

Another life changing call!

St. Patrick's Day is celebrated in the Murray house, but for whatever reason, Matt and I decided to stay home for St. Patty's Day 2009! It was a Tuesday, and I was off work all day. I spent the day cleaning and even got to organize the baby's room a little. That night, we decided to take some baby stuff out of the boxes and put things together (we'd been putting it off in case R changed her mind...I couldn't thnk of looking at everything put together without a baby). We got the stroller put together, the base and carseat all arranged, and then Matt decided to go to bed.





Around 9p.m., R called my cell! I KNEW something was up! She and I usually just text! I answered and said "What's wrong???" She told me she was at the hospital because she'd been having contractions, but they hadput her on meds to make it stop. She was just 32 weeks so she said, don't worry, I will call you if you need to drive up! YEah right!! This lady was not waiting!!!!


I immediately ran upstairs, threw the bedroom door open, and woke Matt! I said, "Get packed, R is in labor, and we are going!!!"





I threw what little baby stuff I had in a suitcase (my baby shower was scheduled for a few weeks later and we didn't have a TON of stuff for newborns). I packed myself some shorts, shirts, and a swimsuit...seriously??? I mean who goes to have a baby and packs a swimsuit??? I guess I thought I would swim at the hotel, I'm insane!!! LOL I loaded the car while Matt wondered if we should wait. I decided we needed to leave and if we had to, we could turn around in Indy if it was truely a false alarm. On the way out to the garage, R called and said they couldn't stop the contractions and to head up...little did she know, we were going to anyway!

The Pregnancy

Because of the cancer, R was considered high risk, which meant multiple OB appointments per month and multiple ultrasounds. The birthdad initially took her to the appointments, but after the first few months, he decided it wasn't his responsiblity anymore since she had decided to place the baby with us.

Because this young woman was carrying our baby, we decided to make the trip every other week to take her to the appointments, shopping, and to lunch! It was purely selfish I'm sure! We got to hear the heartbeat, meet the doctors, see the ultrasounds, and bond with this AMAZING lady!! I'm not sure how many other adoptive parents get the opportunity to do it and we cherished every minute!

R's pregnancy was pretty smooth. She was gaining weight normally, doing the prenatal care, and eating right. I got to feel the baby move a few times during our day trips. She and I became friends fast through countless texts, jokes, etc. I am so happy that my daughter has her DNA! She is truely a sweet, caring, strong woman!

The Backstory

Let me backup some and fill you in on R. She was very young when we met her. Barely older than a teen, yet so wise. When we met her, she had a v-neck shirt on and you couldn't help but notice a scar on her chest. We are all very open about ourselves, and she explained that she had open heart surgery a year prior. She had a tumor that was removed from around her heart, and then was diagnoised with Hodgekin Lymphoma. While undergoing chemo, the oncologist had told her she was unable to get pregnant because the chemo agents were killing her eggs as well. In addition to her chemo, she was to start radiation. They do automatic pregnancy tests on women before starting radiation, and it was determined that she was actually pregnant!

The oncologist recommended she have an abortion so she could continue with treatment and cure herself. She made the decision to go ahead and get the procedure done. When she went to get it done, she went in the wrong side of the building. She entered into a "pro life" space and was given an ultrasound and they pointed to "our baby"s heartbeat....she couldn't continue. And that is where the choice for adoption came in.

First Meeting

We drove 4 hours north to meet with a birthmom. The ride up was one I have done several times to visit family, but this time was different...we were meeting OUR potential family! We talked about the "ifs" and made small talk, but nothing could really come out...we were both so scared and nervous. (I compare it to the most important job interview ever!)

When we knocked on her door, Matt and I were both nervous as could be. But, when R answered the door, we knew she was special. She was only about 6 weeks along, but already you could see a bump. If I wasn't so nervous,I probably could have cried. We stayed and talked to her and her mom for hours. It was as if we had known them our whole life. When we left, she handed us the ultrasound pictures of what she from then on referred to as "our baby". When we left, I cried! I cried for the pain of all the failed attempts at getting pregnant. I cried because I was so happy to FINALLY becoming a mom. I cried mostly for R. I knew this was the hardest, most selfless act of love that she would EVER make. And, even though it was "our baby", I cried because I knew we had a long journey of "what ifs" to play.

A CALL!!!

I know the title gives it away, but in early Sept (yes, 6 MONTHS LATER), we recieved a call. But, the call was not from the agency we were with. It was from my cousin up north! She called during dinner time and wanted to know if we were sitting down. Well, yeah, I was sitting down...this chubby girl wouldn't stand to eat!
She had been talking with a tentant of her apartment complex and the tentant was pregnant and wasn't able to keep the baby. My cousin told her about us, and she said she was willing to meet with us about adopting the baby. We drove up (about 4 hrs) the next weekend to meet her!

Decision time

My husband was wonderful! I am truly lucky he is such a great guy! I honestly felt horrible about not being able to give him a biological child, but we had many decisions to make. We went back and forth about trying more (expensive) infertility treatments, or persuing the possiblity of adoption.

In the end, we decided we wanted to become parents, not pregnant. In Feburary, 2008, we met with an adoption agency and started the homestudy process. It is quite a grooling process and requires a completely different midset. You have to pass physical, financial, and emotional background checks. Each step along the way can either bring spouses together, or I believe could lead to some very tough questions. You are asked to name the best qualities of yourself, why you would be a good mom/dad, and what your "plan" is for your child. You are asked if you are open to handicaps, different races, Birth parent drug use, how open you are to contact with the birthparents, etc. It makes you really stop and think! Too bad ALL parents don't have to consider these questions...it may actually help people be GOOD parents!

Our homestudy was complete in April 2008...now the fun starts...WAITING for a match!

The Beginning

I'm new to blogging. Let me begin by apologizing...it's what I do best anyway! I'm sorry if you happened upon my blog thinking you were going to read something great! I'm sorry if you somehow feel I'm not that great of a writer. I'm sorry for all of you problems. Now that the apologies are over, let me start sharing my journey....

Many years ago, 10 to be exact, I met a wonderful man whom I feel deeply in love with. We dated for several years, and then got married. My dream was to get pregnant within a year, and be a mom. Not "just" a mom, but an awesome mom. The kind of mom who is attentive, caring, and is actually in tune with their kids. As it turned out, the first year of marriage came and went without a baby. After the first year, I went and got fertility drugs. Six months later, still no baby. We went to another fertility center in a different city and tried another procedure...still no baby. I got poked, proded, x-rayed, hormones, etc over and over. Nothing worked. I began to ask why. The final diagnosis was "unexplained female factor infertility", but that doesn't answer any of the questions. Why couldn't I get pregnant? Why was everyone else in my life able to? Why? Why? Why? I had many of pity parties in the privacy of my car. I couldn't bear for anyone to know exactly how heartbroken I was...even my hubby!